It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
