If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
