Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
