yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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