I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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