R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Randomize
