You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The Olympian is in my bed
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
