Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(907): View more from Alaska

I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself

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(513): View more from Ohio

direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN

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(619): View more from California

my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.

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(708): View more from Illinois

its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.

(1-780): View more from Alberta, CA

This is why we're friends.

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(435): View more from Utah

I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.

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(305): View more from Florida

Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?

(786): View more from Florida

No!

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(731): View more from Tennessee

What time is our conjugal visit?

(901): View more from Tennessee

Umm...who is this?

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