The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
