i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
