I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I supernannyed him into submission
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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