you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
