6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
