so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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