Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
