You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
