making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
