Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
