Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
