bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
