I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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