I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
