god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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