i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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