i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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