this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
