I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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