I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
