i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
