I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
