You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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