this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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