Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
