So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Pappa wants mamma naked
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
