I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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