Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
