there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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