In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
