I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
