she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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