I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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