I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
NoShamevember. You game?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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