that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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