please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
