The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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