it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
