My sheets look like a crime scene.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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