how can u be prego again
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
