I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
