I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
